Where do I start. I owe a huge “Thank you” to those that emailed and called me. There really is truth in what I've always said “Sometimes someone saying 'Hi' at the right time might just changes someone's life forever.
I was very depressed about life and even though I try to be uplifting and think only of good things, well it wasn't enough. All I wanted to do was disappear.
I ended up at the river and just sitting there not really doing anything, just thinking and watching the water.
Now let me say I don't know much about depression but I'm going to write what happen with me because I really think it may help someone. I promise it's got a great ending. Ha ha.
Okay so I was at the river and just thinking all the bad things in my life. Body pain, (it's not only my back that hurts) no-where to live, no money, no family, no real job and the worst one. I'm sick of being looked down on. I can tell you I was starting to feel a whole lot worst and thinking I have become my worst fears before I had my accident and there seemed like there was no escape.
It was really a bad idea to start thinking of the bad things in my life when depressed. Ha ha Now I know.
A few hours later I felt real bad and I kept thinking I need to try and see the good things as well, so I wrote down the bad things and then wrote what's good about it.
Here's what I wrote.
Body pain- I am healing and getting stronger everyday. The pain is less then last year and the year before. I am already stronger and fitter then most.
No-where to live- I have always said “getting a room is a trap because it's short term because I don't make enough to pay rent.” work harder which will strengthen body the more I do.
No family- I'm good looking. Ha ha Well at least not bad. Ha ha
No real job- I am working, it's not the best but I earn money and I can be proud of that.
I'm sick of being looked down on- There's people that look down on me but before I had my accident I wouldn't have cared because I was more successful then them and the fact that I have a lot of friends always saying hi to me in the mornings and though the day means I can't be that bad. Ha ha.
It's a good thing this computer has spell check. Some of them words were wrong. Ha ha
That's when it hit me. I didn't change because of my accident I changed because of my thinking. I'm still the same guy I was and I have to think differently that's all.
It took me 2 days but I got a room in a lodge which is only $145 which to me might be a lot but then I think well every week my first 58 magazine sales is for rent. That will make me work longer hours which will strengthen me faster. But the best news is that every afternoon on a weekday there's a food van that stops right out front. Never going hungry here. Ha ha.
I think sleeping rough made me think more and more that there was no hope. But having a bed and a shower I can use any-time makes me feel more human. Right now I'm writing a list of things I want to do and as I go tick them off. That mega-site is at the top. I want to help others with information to feel more human too. Ha ha.
I wanted to say I'm sorry for my last posting and I promise to put nice uplifting stories to make for it. I am going to change a little bit the way I think because instead of feeling sorry for myself I'm going to think of this as a new start, sort of starting fresh for my life. I know there will be days that I'm down, but let's face it everyone has those.
Once again I'm sorry for being depressed in my last posting and I really am looking forward to a bright future with everything life throws my way. I hope you all have a great day.
I was thinking about my birthday party and the fact that I was married on the same day and that's over now. I kept thinking it'll be a sad for me, but then that's when I would want to have friends around, not to be sad with me but to celebrate something. So I'm once again asking if you all would like to come. I'm hoping to launch my new Mega Site on the night too. It'll be a great time, even if you come for just one drink.
I hope you all have a great day and be safe.
Grant the Polite Guy.