Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Last One

Well I've had a day I won't forget in a while.

I woke to someone going through my bag, I yelled and quickly tried getting out of my sleeping bag (there not made to get out of quickly) I coped a blow to the back of the head then he ran away. I knew him because I had given him food and drinks only last week. By the time I got out of the sleeping bag he was gone. Not a great way to wake up, my back was already hurting from the sudden movements. I remember thinking why can't I wake to an alarm clock like everyone else. Ha ha

I went to work about 6:30am and started greeting people that walked passed. After a while I counted my magazines and money and realised I haven't sold one magazine yet. I had worked for 1 ½ hours and nothing. I had spoken to lots of people and even the ones that stopped to talk. Please don't get me wrong I make most of my money in the morning rush as people are going to work and here it is half way through and I hadn't sold one magazine yet. I kept thinking there and then this is going to be a really bad day. Now I hate thinking like that but my back was already hurting and knew I wouldn't be working all day as I had a worst day coming.

9:00am and it was time to meet my wife at the family courts to sign and submit our Divorce papers. 9:25am she came to where I worked to pick me up. I couldn't have felt worst in my life then I did there and then. I felt like now I have hit rock bottom. If I had not had my accident or been more successful we wouldn't be here. Then I started thinking this is for the best, She deserves someone great in her life. I was brought up well thinking that a man should support his family.

So saying “goodbye” and walking back to work because I didn't make much in the morning rush you could imagine I'm thinking I'm having a really bad day, I felt so worthless that I didn't even know why I even bothered going back to work. Like really I just didn't care, but I did go.

Now I must say it must be because of my bubbly smile which I didn't have but 45 minutes into the lunch rush I had only made one sale which is $2.50 to me. Oh what a day. Then I got a card from Shannon, now please let me say what this card reads.
Cover.
Keep Going,
The more challenges that you face
The more races that you run
The more hills that you climb to the top and overcome.

Inside
The stronger grows your heart, the wiser becomes your soul,
Each time you travel down a bumpy or unknown road the swifter become your feet with every hard-won,
Honest victory-and yes, even with each defeat.

What a lovely card. There was a $50 note inside and really nice writing but that's something I want to keep special for me. Let me say it was nice and inspiring.

Now that was a great card. I read it and thought I only have 4 magazines on me, sell them and buy more for tomorrow and go have a beer and get this day over. 35 minutes later I hadn't sold one. Really this happened, it was lunch rush. This day could not get worst. I pack up and thinking time for a drink and just forget this day happen. All the time thinking I hate that I had that one day where I had an accident and it changed my life.

I started for the bottle shop and I noticed a guy pleading on the phone and then he stood up and throw it to the ground. I stepped over the pieces which was only the battery and battery cover, I took about 4 steps then turned around and thought to myself “I can't believe this is happening now” I picked up the cover as he was picking up the phone and battery up. I asked if he's okay. I ended sitting down with him and he told me he had broken up with his girlfriend and I could tell it was not his idea. I asked how long they had been together? His reply “4 ½ months”

I sat there listening to him tell me about the things going on between him and his ex-girlfriend, the whole time thinking I was with my wife 14 years and married well almost 10, you see when I say almost it's because I didn't ever want to forget my wedding adversity so I married on my birthday day, that way I'd never forget it. It seemed like a good idea at the time, not now.

Well I sat there of just under an hour talking and cheering him up saying about flowers and chocolates, he even started showing me pictures of her. Now before anyone thinks I'm good, please let me say the whole time I kept thinking of what I had lost and it hurt and the last thing I cared about was this guy losing a girl after 4 ½ months, but I was polite and gave him someone to talk too.

I started drinking and haven't stopped. I'm writing this because every way I think of this I have had enough. I feel like I'm always nice and trying to do the right thing but I don't think I have anything left. Helping people really takes it out of you. Ha ha.

I don't think I'll be there tomorrow for work. I quit. I've really got nothing left to help people or be polite. I am sorry but really what can I say, I have reached the bottom and it's easier to quit then to fight back.

I have gotten a few comments and emails about clothes for the homeless. Please call 30364420 which is the The Big Issue office they will help you to give the clothes to the homeless.

For really good reasons I'm not going ahead with the birthday party.

The people that donated money through Phoebe's facebook please know this, I spent the money trying to get a job and helping other's. I said I would do good with the money and I did. I even bought a guy a gas stove that he lost in the flood.

Please understand I'm sorry. Everyone has there limit and I reached mine. I know if your thinking I'm smart enough to add to the blog then I'll stay, well I've been drinking for 6 hours now. So I have the courage to say it as it is.

I'm sorry to those that tried to help. I am letting you down. (Another thing to think about) I can't be the person I was. Not now or ever, I have to accept the fact that I am not the same guy that had that accident.

I hope you all have a great day and please if you come across a homeless person, please think maybe there is hope to help no matter what country your in.

This will be my last post. Thank you to all those that read it.
Grant.

2 comments:

  1. chin up, grant. you've shown people there's strength in everyone. i hope you feel better in the morning and pick yourself back up.

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  2. Grant! Let me tell you this, I help my friends out all the time, with everything! And I truly know how trying life can be, having just split up with my gf of six months, having noone around, and still helping people out! You have to find the strength to continue! If you can't find it in yourself, find it in your friends, and I, for one, will be your friend until the very end! Please, even if just for me, don't give up, ever...

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